Love Him by Having a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
The Bible teaches that women should have the goal of a gentle and quiet spirit. The words in 1 Peter 3 are quite clear: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
There is no more central concept to the Christian life than gentleness. A Christian, man or woman, is to be gentle, but we are very seldom gentle these days. We have come, as a culture, to honor aggression and to promote aggression. We have “aggressiveness training” for students and adults to learn how to “assert” themselves in a situation. In business, we are told to be “assertive” rather than gentle. Some preachers will even claim that “gentleness” is actually a Greek word used for war horses and argue that we are supposed to be like war horses.
Actually, the Greek Word most often translated as gentleness is from the word prautes and has no meaning of aggression at all. It is from the same root word as "meekness."
Our English word derives from a Latin term meaning "of one's family." The term "gentle" originally denoted a person of high birth, then gradually came to mean those who act as persons of high birth should act. Common meanings of gentle are kind and amiable, as well as "free from harshness, sternness, or violence."
In short, a "gentle" person is a person who acts toward others as a person of high birth should act toward a family member.
Women often object to “gentle and quiet” because they think it is not a “leadership” quality, and they want to be leaders. Scripture, however, requires gentleness in being a leader. Christ is declared to have been gentle, so that we may freely submit to his authority. Matt. 11:29. He comes “gently” to his people, as their King. Matt. 21:5
For us, gentleness is our guide in almost all settings. If we are wayward, the best response of those in authority is gentleness, not a rod of punishment. 1 Cor. 4:21. If a brother falls into sin, we are to restore him “in gentleness.” Gal. 6:1. We are to be forbearing to one another in gentleness for the sake of unity. Eph. 4:2. We are to be gentle in dealing with the weaknesses of others. Col. 3:12. We are to be gentle in our evangelism and in responding to questions from unbelievers. 1 Peter 3:15.
Even as preachers, we are to be gentle with those who oppose us, knowing that only God can change their hearts. 2 Tim. 2:25.
In short, gentleness is to be honored, to be sought by the man and woman of God. 1 Tim. 6:11. It is, ultimately, one of the great proofs that we have been filled with and are controlled by the work of the Spirit in our lives. Gal. 5:22-23.
Yet, women too often object to being asked to develop this characteristic. To be “gentle” is to be mature, to be understanding, to love wisdom, to manifest maturity, to understand and value what we have in this life and to make life better for others.
It is precious in the sight of the God.
There is no more central concept to the Christian life than gentleness. A Christian, man or woman, is to be gentle, but we are very seldom gentle these days. We have come, as a culture, to honor aggression and to promote aggression. We have “aggressiveness training” for students and adults to learn how to “assert” themselves in a situation. In business, we are told to be “assertive” rather than gentle. Some preachers will even claim that “gentleness” is actually a Greek word used for war horses and argue that we are supposed to be like war horses.
Actually, the Greek Word most often translated as gentleness is from the word prautes and has no meaning of aggression at all. It is from the same root word as "meekness."
Our English word derives from a Latin term meaning "of one's family." The term "gentle" originally denoted a person of high birth, then gradually came to mean those who act as persons of high birth should act. Common meanings of gentle are kind and amiable, as well as "free from harshness, sternness, or violence."
In short, a "gentle" person is a person who acts toward others as a person of high birth should act toward a family member.
Women often object to “gentle and quiet” because they think it is not a “leadership” quality, and they want to be leaders. Scripture, however, requires gentleness in being a leader. Christ is declared to have been gentle, so that we may freely submit to his authority. Matt. 11:29. He comes “gently” to his people, as their King. Matt. 21:5
For us, gentleness is our guide in almost all settings. If we are wayward, the best response of those in authority is gentleness, not a rod of punishment. 1 Cor. 4:21. If a brother falls into sin, we are to restore him “in gentleness.” Gal. 6:1. We are to be forbearing to one another in gentleness for the sake of unity. Eph. 4:2. We are to be gentle in dealing with the weaknesses of others. Col. 3:12. We are to be gentle in our evangelism and in responding to questions from unbelievers. 1 Peter 3:15.
Even as preachers, we are to be gentle with those who oppose us, knowing that only God can change their hearts. 2 Tim. 2:25.
In short, gentleness is to be honored, to be sought by the man and woman of God. 1 Tim. 6:11. It is, ultimately, one of the great proofs that we have been filled with and are controlled by the work of the Spirit in our lives. Gal. 5:22-23.
Yet, women too often object to being asked to develop this characteristic. To be “gentle” is to be mature, to be understanding, to love wisdom, to manifest maturity, to understand and value what we have in this life and to make life better for others.
It is precious in the sight of the God.
A Quiet Spirit
When scripture says that a wife should have a “gentle and quiet spirit,” what does the “quiet” mean? For many people, this very broad term has a very narrow meaning. They think (and often teach) that it means she is not supposed to say anything. For them, “quiet” means “shut up.” The Bible does not agree.
We begin, as always, with the reality that the character scripture describes as being true of excellent wives is the same character that makes an excellent person. In fact, it is the duty of every Christian, of every age and sex, whether married or single, to make “quiet” a part of his or her character.
Paul is clear on this. In 1 Thessalonians 4:14, he urges Christians to “aspire to live quietly.” Many translations put it this way: “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.” Your goal is to have quiet, which does not mean “shutting up,” it means being at peace. It is not our goal to “live without talking” but to live in peace.
In 1 Timothy 2:1-3, we are urged to pray for our leaders so that “we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.” Again, he is not calling us to “shut up” but to be “quiet,” meaning to live peacefully and graciously. Quiet goes with “godly” and “dignified,” not with passive and weak. Why are we to live this way? Because such a life is “good and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior.” Peter’s commandmant to
Now, “quiet” can certainly have the meaning of “do not speak.” It has that meaning in at least two places in scripture. In 1 Timothy 2, in discussing what is proper within church meetings, Paul says this: “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.” Here, in connection with public meetings, Paul is clearly using his language to say that women are not to be troublemakers in the church but are to “learn quietly,” that they are not to hold positions of authority over men, but to “remain quiet.” But this has nothing to do with the home, being a direction for use in meetings of the church.
The excellent wife is not described as “being quiet” in this sense in her home or private life. She is active and is a leader within her family, but she should nonetheless have a “gentle and quiet spirit,” which means something very different. A gentle and quiet spirit affects everything that she does, it is an “adorning” upon which God looks with pleasure. Peter’s command is not about church meetings but about who she is.
Being a quiet person does not mean silent, but peaceful. It is not about "shutting up" but about growing up. Wisdom and righteousness is manifested not in yelling or manipulating or worry, but in peace and quiet and righteousness. "And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever." Isa. 32:17.
We begin, as always, with the reality that the character scripture describes as being true of excellent wives is the same character that makes an excellent person. In fact, it is the duty of every Christian, of every age and sex, whether married or single, to make “quiet” a part of his or her character.
Paul is clear on this. In 1 Thessalonians 4:14, he urges Christians to “aspire to live quietly.” Many translations put it this way: “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.” Your goal is to have quiet, which does not mean “shutting up,” it means being at peace. It is not our goal to “live without talking” but to live in peace.
In 1 Timothy 2:1-3, we are urged to pray for our leaders so that “we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.” Again, he is not calling us to “shut up” but to be “quiet,” meaning to live peacefully and graciously. Quiet goes with “godly” and “dignified,” not with passive and weak. Why are we to live this way? Because such a life is “good and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior.” Peter’s commandmant to
Now, “quiet” can certainly have the meaning of “do not speak.” It has that meaning in at least two places in scripture. In 1 Timothy 2, in discussing what is proper within church meetings, Paul says this: “Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.” Here, in connection with public meetings, Paul is clearly using his language to say that women are not to be troublemakers in the church but are to “learn quietly,” that they are not to hold positions of authority over men, but to “remain quiet.” But this has nothing to do with the home, being a direction for use in meetings of the church.
The excellent wife is not described as “being quiet” in this sense in her home or private life. She is active and is a leader within her family, but she should nonetheless have a “gentle and quiet spirit,” which means something very different. A gentle and quiet spirit affects everything that she does, it is an “adorning” upon which God looks with pleasure. Peter’s command is not about church meetings but about who she is.
Being a quiet person does not mean silent, but peaceful. It is not about "shutting up" but about growing up. Wisdom and righteousness is manifested not in yelling or manipulating or worry, but in peace and quiet and righteousness. "And the effect of righteousness will be peace, and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever." Isa. 32:17.