Love Him by being
Worthy of Trust – Part 1
“The heart of her husband trusts in her.”
There is an interesting aspect to this part of the definition of an excellent wife. I have heard many sermons and lectures telling men to “trust your wives,” but not a single one saying to wives “be worthy of trust.” But this verse says nothing about what he ought to do, but about what he does. He trusts in her.
The focus of the verse is on her. It is not his obligation to trust her; he just trusts her. It is not a command; it is a description. He does not decide to trust her; he just does. It is his heart, not his head, that is involved. She is a person whom he trusts, which tells us more about her than about him.
From a biblical perspective, this is a tremendous statement. The Old Testament is filled with words about trust. Look just at Psalms, for example. The first command is to “offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord.” Psalm 4:5. The Psalmist “trusts” in the steadfast love of God (13:5) and in His name (20:7) rather than in chariots. God’s people rejoice in God because they trust in God’s holy name. (33:21). These citations could go on forever. We are all to trust in God because of Who He is.
But, does he trust anything else? No. Not weapons like chariots or bows (20:7; 44:6); not extortion (62:10) or idols (115:8) or princes (146:3). Even his close friend “in whom I trusted” betrays him (41:9).
But the heart of the husband of the excellent wife “trusts in her.” There is no greater compliment to her excellence in all the scriptures. An excellent wife is trusted by her husband. She can be relied upon and found faithful more than weapons, more than princes, more than friends.
Scripture says we are to trust God and to be wary of everyone else, except the excellent wife, whom our hearts will trust.
Who would you need to be in order to be held in such confidence?
Does the heart of your husband trust in you?
As you go through the week, pay attention to the things you do and the things you say and how they might impact your husband's tendency to trust you.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her.”
There is an interesting aspect to this part of the definition of an excellent wife. I have heard many sermons and lectures telling men to “trust your wives,” but not a single one saying to wives “be worthy of trust.” But this verse says nothing about what he ought to do, but about what he does. He trusts in her.
The focus of the verse is on her. It is not his obligation to trust her; he just trusts her. It is not a command; it is a description. He does not decide to trust her; he just does. It is his heart, not his head, that is involved. She is a person whom he trusts, which tells us more about her than about him.
From a biblical perspective, this is a tremendous statement. The Old Testament is filled with words about trust. Look just at Psalms, for example. The first command is to “offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord.” Psalm 4:5. The Psalmist “trusts” in the steadfast love of God (13:5) and in His name (20:7) rather than in chariots. God’s people rejoice in God because they trust in God’s holy name. (33:21). These citations could go on forever. We are all to trust in God because of Who He is.
But, does he trust anything else? No. Not weapons like chariots or bows (20:7; 44:6); not extortion (62:10) or idols (115:8) or princes (146:3). Even his close friend “in whom I trusted” betrays him (41:9).
But the heart of the husband of the excellent wife “trusts in her.” There is no greater compliment to her excellence in all the scriptures. An excellent wife is trusted by her husband. She can be relied upon and found faithful more than weapons, more than princes, more than friends.
Scripture says we are to trust God and to be wary of everyone else, except the excellent wife, whom our hearts will trust.
Who would you need to be in order to be held in such confidence?
Does the heart of your husband trust in you?
As you go through the week, pay attention to the things you do and the things you say and how they might impact your husband's tendency to trust you.
Worthy of Trust - Part 2
Trust and confidence in an individual is a complex idea. It
evolves over time, as two people interact on multiple levels. Many of us have
“trusted” someone who, at some point, proved unworthy of such trust. Sometimes,
we do so because we do not know them well, sometimes because they have deceived
us, and sometimes because we fooled ourselves.
In marriage, most of us marry not because of trust but because of love. We want to be married to this person because we desire them or because, for various reasons, we find them pleasant to be with. We think of them as people with good intentions who will never hurt us. We talk, during courtship, about family, but not with a great deal of specificity. Perhaps we do a “premarital counseling” approach, even, where we each answer in the way we think we should answer.
Marriage begins with two people who love one another but have never lived together. Sometimes, the first argument is the first day, but it often takes a long time for differences to arise. But they always arise. Such differences are at the heart of marriage and are the every day affair of our comedy television shows and movies, which are always about people doing foolish things (like failing to talk or assuming dishonesty or tricking one another). But the real life is not funny.
Your time as a wife may begin as a lark and a joy, but it becomes work at some point. Perhaps it is when children come or when you and your husband argue over food or money or churches. At some point, you learn that he is different from you. He learns the same thing.
What does this have to do with trust? Everything. Trust must lie at the heart of a successful marriage. Even in moments of anger or in the midst of arguments, there must be a trust that this person loves me and wants what is best. Perhaps she does not see what is best, but she wants what is best.
So many things inhibit trust – tones of voice (you have more than you think you have), facial expressions, and habits all come into the equation. Your practice of muttering to yourself (where he can hear you muttering) or of slamming something down as he leaves the room (he can hear that, too) shows him that you are angry. Your decision to “go to bed early” (and alone) shows that you are upset. Your decision to “disappear” for a little while without a word to him shows that you are not really one together.
Trust is manifested by honesty, openness, calm acceptance, and closeness. Mistrust is manifested by secrets, lies, fearful looks, little betrayals, and isolation.
In your marriage, what is at the center of your relationship? Is it trust? Does he trust what you say about him in the presence of others? Does he trust that you will take care of his home and his children? Does he trust that you want him to be a happy, healthy, productive husband, father, and employee?
Or is he afraid of you? Is he afraid to tell you when things go badly at work? Is he afraid to tell you about his struggles and his fears?
Does he trust you?
In marriage, most of us marry not because of trust but because of love. We want to be married to this person because we desire them or because, for various reasons, we find them pleasant to be with. We think of them as people with good intentions who will never hurt us. We talk, during courtship, about family, but not with a great deal of specificity. Perhaps we do a “premarital counseling” approach, even, where we each answer in the way we think we should answer.
Marriage begins with two people who love one another but have never lived together. Sometimes, the first argument is the first day, but it often takes a long time for differences to arise. But they always arise. Such differences are at the heart of marriage and are the every day affair of our comedy television shows and movies, which are always about people doing foolish things (like failing to talk or assuming dishonesty or tricking one another). But the real life is not funny.
Your time as a wife may begin as a lark and a joy, but it becomes work at some point. Perhaps it is when children come or when you and your husband argue over food or money or churches. At some point, you learn that he is different from you. He learns the same thing.
What does this have to do with trust? Everything. Trust must lie at the heart of a successful marriage. Even in moments of anger or in the midst of arguments, there must be a trust that this person loves me and wants what is best. Perhaps she does not see what is best, but she wants what is best.
So many things inhibit trust – tones of voice (you have more than you think you have), facial expressions, and habits all come into the equation. Your practice of muttering to yourself (where he can hear you muttering) or of slamming something down as he leaves the room (he can hear that, too) shows him that you are angry. Your decision to “go to bed early” (and alone) shows that you are upset. Your decision to “disappear” for a little while without a word to him shows that you are not really one together.
Trust is manifested by honesty, openness, calm acceptance, and closeness. Mistrust is manifested by secrets, lies, fearful looks, little betrayals, and isolation.
In your marriage, what is at the center of your relationship? Is it trust? Does he trust what you say about him in the presence of others? Does he trust that you will take care of his home and his children? Does he trust that you want him to be a happy, healthy, productive husband, father, and employee?
Or is he afraid of you? Is he afraid to tell you when things go badly at work? Is he afraid to tell you about his struggles and his fears?
Does he trust you?