Sitting with family and watching their interactions is always interesting. Husbands and wives have so many different ways of communicating and relating. What would be offensive in one family is not offensive in another family. We each learn and grow over the years of our marriage.
Think back to when you first married. There were no children and, I hope, you lived alone. Your relationship was just starting (no matter how long you dated) and there were lots of starts and stops in the process. Then, children came and grew. For some of us, our marriages have lasted long enough for children to leave.
I sit with my wife now and wonder about all the time that has passed and how we have changed. The things we have learned and the experiences we have had have changed us.
As you think about how much you have changed (or are changing) and how different your relationship is from those around you, take some time to rejoice that God does it this way. Each of us being different; each of us growing differently. When someone tells you "how" your relationship "ought to be," take it all with a grain of salt. Unless he knows both of you very well, he cannot know your relationship as well as you do.