Continuing with our theme of dealing with sex in marriage, there is a second problem for wives. Even if the Supermodel Problem is put away, the reality is that most women do not feel attractive. The body image problem remains. Women look at themselves in the mirror and are discouraged.
They are not impressed with their own attractiveness. They not only do not look like supermodels, they do not look good to themselves. They do not find their own bodies attractive, especially as they grow older. Bodies change with age and with child-bearing, and women are not happy with that reality.
So, they stand before the mirror and cannot think of themselves as attractive. Here are two thoughts they need to keep in their mind.
First, it doesn't matter what you think. It really doesn't matter whether you think you are attractive. It is not about being attractive to yourself, but being attractive to your husband. It is his opinion that matters, not your opinion. It is about what he thinks.
So, stop looking and think a minute. You know what your husband thinks of your body. You know that he enjoys having sex with you, so who cares what you think about how you look? He likes you. Perhaps you no longer have the flat stomach of your youth, but there is something there he still finds attractive.
Listen to him. Listen to his compliments and watch him to see what he watches. Perhaps he loves your legs or your breasts or your neck or your hair. Read Song of Solomon and see how the man describes the fine details of his wife's body. That is how men think.
If he finds you attractive, why do you care whether you look like you think you should look?
Second, men, believe it or not, have strong memories. They do not remember things like dates of occurrences or birthdays or dental appointments (all of which are artificial things created by our culture), but they remember life. They remember events (even if not dates). They love things that they know. They keep using old rifles and old fishing poles and they drive old trucks.
When a man hunts with his old rifle or fishes with his old pole, he remembers all the times he did it before. Men's memories are very much tied to practical matters. The same thing is true of you.
When your husband makes love with you he remembers all the times before. He remembers being a young man with a young wife. He relives the feelings and excitement of his first night with you and of nights since then. If you have been married three years, this is true. If you have been married 30 years, it is still true.
When a 50-year old man has sex with his 50-year old wife after 30 years of marriage, he is young again. He is no longer an old man, but a young man with a young wife and the joys of a new marriage.
So, you say you are unattractive? Your opinion does not matter. His opinion matters and he wants you. You may think he should not want you, but that is one of the gifts of marriage. As we age together, so our tastes age as well. When he was 20, he would not have wanted you as you are at 50. But, at 50, you are all he wants.
Stop standing before the mirror. See yourself not in your own eyes but in your husband's eyes. You might be pleasantly surprised.
They are not impressed with their own attractiveness. They not only do not look like supermodels, they do not look good to themselves. They do not find their own bodies attractive, especially as they grow older. Bodies change with age and with child-bearing, and women are not happy with that reality.
So, they stand before the mirror and cannot think of themselves as attractive. Here are two thoughts they need to keep in their mind.
First, it doesn't matter what you think. It really doesn't matter whether you think you are attractive. It is not about being attractive to yourself, but being attractive to your husband. It is his opinion that matters, not your opinion. It is about what he thinks.
So, stop looking and think a minute. You know what your husband thinks of your body. You know that he enjoys having sex with you, so who cares what you think about how you look? He likes you. Perhaps you no longer have the flat stomach of your youth, but there is something there he still finds attractive.
Listen to him. Listen to his compliments and watch him to see what he watches. Perhaps he loves your legs or your breasts or your neck or your hair. Read Song of Solomon and see how the man describes the fine details of his wife's body. That is how men think.
If he finds you attractive, why do you care whether you look like you think you should look?
Second, men, believe it or not, have strong memories. They do not remember things like dates of occurrences or birthdays or dental appointments (all of which are artificial things created by our culture), but they remember life. They remember events (even if not dates). They love things that they know. They keep using old rifles and old fishing poles and they drive old trucks.
When a man hunts with his old rifle or fishes with his old pole, he remembers all the times he did it before. Men's memories are very much tied to practical matters. The same thing is true of you.
When your husband makes love with you he remembers all the times before. He remembers being a young man with a young wife. He relives the feelings and excitement of his first night with you and of nights since then. If you have been married three years, this is true. If you have been married 30 years, it is still true.
When a 50-year old man has sex with his 50-year old wife after 30 years of marriage, he is young again. He is no longer an old man, but a young man with a young wife and the joys of a new marriage.
So, you say you are unattractive? Your opinion does not matter. His opinion matters and he wants you. You may think he should not want you, but that is one of the gifts of marriage. As we age together, so our tastes age as well. When he was 20, he would not have wanted you as you are at 50. But, at 50, you are all he wants.
Stop standing before the mirror. See yourself not in your own eyes but in your husband's eyes. You might be pleasantly surprised.
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