Ultimately, we will end up with this reality, that some women really believe that they hate sex. They hate the act of sex and even the mention of sex. They find it repulsive and unpleasant. Such women, of course, should not marry (you should not marry if you are not willing to be a wife, and sex is part of being a wife), but they usually don't find this out until they are married. Now what?

This is, obviously, too big an issue to deal with on a blog. There are so many different ways that a woman can come to "hate sex" and so many different things she can mean by this comment. Some women come from abusive homes in which their relationship to their parents is such that it colors everything they understand about marriage. They do not trust their husbands and they often view sex as a weapon used against them. 

Some women have endured a history of sexual abuse, from family or others, and this is certainly important in how they view sex. If sex was used against them when they were younger, then they will have a different view of sex than someone who was not so abused. 

Some women's dislike of sex relates to a bad experience with their own husband (or a prior husband). Some times, the first night of a marriage (the honeymoon) is a nightmare for a young wife. For Christian young women, raised in homes where sex is never discussed and where they are never prepared for its reality, may be shocked. Some young men, having no understanding of the process from the woman's point of view, are harsh and seem uncaring to their wives. This can set up problems that will last for years.

And some women do not enjoy sex because they do not enjoy their own bodies, they do not enjoy the emotions and pleasure of sex, or because their husbands just aren't very good at having sex with them. 

In short, sex is an immensely complicated issue. It is not "just sex," as people sometimes say, but it involves the totality of your relationship with your husband. 

If you hate sex, if you hate the experience and the need, if you try to come up with ways and excuses to avoid having sex with your husband, you must find out why. Then, you must deal with it. 

To be a wife who never has sex is sin. It is to drive your husband into sin, because that is exactly the result Paul says will occur in 1 Corinthians 7. It is to fail at the most basic requirement of your life with your husband. 

Fellowship is great. Conversation is great. Sharing the trials of life is great. But a man can have these things without marriage. A wife, like a husband, is to be a sexual partner, not just a life partner.

If you hate sex, find out why. Then fix the problem. For your husband's happiness and for your happiness.

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