So, we know that he has changed and we know that you are changing also, so what are we to do? We usually have some idea of "what our marriage ought to be" and if we thought we were there once, we don't want any change. Or, sometimes, we only want the other partner to change. Now that we know we are both changing, what do we do?

Well, we can try not to change. Trouble is, trying not to change is a change in itself, so this is kind of a self-defeating idea. Trying to stay the same while your children are aging is simply nonsense. You change as things change around you. You learn that some of your ideas don't work and you have to change. Your children change and you have to change. Your life situation changes and you have to change. You cannot stop change.

This is why we never talk about having "a perfect marriage" or being "a perfect wife" or "a perfect husband." It's not happening. There is no "perfect." There are just two people who have strengths and weaknesses and habits and ideas and a constant source of change. 

That is why the goal is to be an Excellent Wife. "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones." Pro. 12:4. An Excellent Wife is a living, breathing, exciting person who deals with a real world. She copes with her own changes and with the changes in others. She knows that her husband at 50 is not the same man he was when he was 25, and she still loves him. She knows that she, at 50, is not the same as she was when she was 25 and she embraces that reality. 

Fighting against change is simply nonsense. Embracing change is wisdom. Recognize and rejoice in your husband's growing maturity (and your growing maturity). When you see things getting out of control, take control and correct them. Lead your family not by telling them "no" but by teaching and modeling a godly life. Make your faith (and your faithfulness) obvious to everyone. 

I do not know where (or when) we got the idea of what a "perfect family" was supposed to be, but it is a terrible foolishness. We try to make our children do what they do not want to do (and cannot do well) because we think they all need music lessons and tennis lessons and all manner of things that demand our time. But we do not embrace who they are. We fill our days with projects and ideas and games and goals, leaving no room for fellowship and training in godliness.

There is no perfect wife. There is no perfect husband. There are no perfect children. There is no perfect family.

Rather, there is an Excellent Wife, whose life is far more precious than jewels, because she loves her husband, loves her children, and loves her God. This Excellent Wife does not try to make her family something they cannot be, but makes their lives glorious as who they are. 

Be an Excellent Wife and the changes will not dismay you. 

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