Most of us are familiar with the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book, or, at least, the idea behind it. The idea is that men and women even communicate in very different ways, like beings from different planets.
This has become important in our day because we all want to communicate "honestly." We have been taught that "honesty" means saying precisely what we want to say, in the way we want to say it, and to demand that everyone listening to us hear it just as we say it.
This is foolishness.
One of the key things I learned in preaching was that, no matter how well I preached, the reality was not what i said but what was heard. Communicating honestly does not mean "saying what you really mean," it means having the listener hear what you really mean. Communicating is not a solo skill. If the person listening did not understand you, then the failure of communication is your failure. You were the one seeking to communicate.
Preachers, ultimately, must realize that what matters is not what they say, but what the congregation hears. It is not the congregation who adjusts to the preacher, but the preacher who adjusts to the congregation. Or, at least, that is how it should be. Paul says that he become "all things to all men" in his ministry, not that he required all men to become him.
As a wife, you have probably had a few situations where your husband has not understood you. You may tend to get angry in those situations, but you should not. You should relax and think a minute. You want him to know what you are trying to communicate to him, so think about how to do that. As a hint, repeating the same words loudly is not usually the best option.
He loves you and wants to understand you. You love him and want him to understand you. The next step is yours, not his.
This has become important in our day because we all want to communicate "honestly." We have been taught that "honesty" means saying precisely what we want to say, in the way we want to say it, and to demand that everyone listening to us hear it just as we say it.
This is foolishness.
One of the key things I learned in preaching was that, no matter how well I preached, the reality was not what i said but what was heard. Communicating honestly does not mean "saying what you really mean," it means having the listener hear what you really mean. Communicating is not a solo skill. If the person listening did not understand you, then the failure of communication is your failure. You were the one seeking to communicate.
Preachers, ultimately, must realize that what matters is not what they say, but what the congregation hears. It is not the congregation who adjusts to the preacher, but the preacher who adjusts to the congregation. Or, at least, that is how it should be. Paul says that he become "all things to all men" in his ministry, not that he required all men to become him.
As a wife, you have probably had a few situations where your husband has not understood you. You may tend to get angry in those situations, but you should not. You should relax and think a minute. You want him to know what you are trying to communicate to him, so think about how to do that. As a hint, repeating the same words loudly is not usually the best option.
He loves you and wants to understand you. You love him and want him to understand you. The next step is yours, not his.
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