As you look around the internet on the subject of marriage, you will find an amazing amount of material. Even if you limit yourself to the question of being a wife, you have plenty of places to look. There is an abundance of information out there. 

Trouble is, information is just information. There are websites with lots of cute things you can make to decorate for holidays. There are web directions for scrapbooks and outings and photography. There are plenty of different ways to record your family activities and to create "memories" in the form of paper records or videos. 

There are pages on almost everything. 

Why? Because we are not good at being husbands and wives. We begin, as everyone begins, with the idea that we know just what to do. We think that we have it all under control, having observed our parents and having learned stuff from what we have seen and read. Then, we get married and find out it doesn't work that way.

The old saying is that people who thirst are not satisfied by reading about water. In the same way, people who want to be excellent wives are not satisfied by reading about being an excellent wife. You have to do something. Today is the best day to do something. 

Here is a quick thing that would mean more than you might imagine. Were you aware that women tend to be amazingly negative? Women do not feel this way, but men do. Women have an amazing ability to be negative about even the most positive things. 

Here is what I mean. If a child cleans up his room, his mother's most likely response is something like: "That looks so nice. Don't you wish you kept it this way more often?" Negative. Instead of being happy about what he did, you remind him of earlier failures. 

If a husband says to his wife that he hopes their fourth child does well at college, she might say "yes, it would be nice to have one do well," thereby insulting the other children and being negative again. Why do you have to refer to others when you are talking about one?

Women do this constantly. It is as if they have "schoolmarm" written on their hearts and just cannot miss a chance to point out someone's error or something wrong somewhere. 

Men learn not to speak to their wives at all, just to avoid the negativity. I can tell a friend about my success at work and he will be happy. I can tell my wife and she will mention what a nice change it is. She is negative, he is positive. 

The problem with the negativity is that it always involves insulting someone and always involves putting down the other speaker. Men complain about this frequently when you speak about marriage. They love their wives, but they cannot stand the constant negativism. 

So, decide today that you will think before you speak and that you will speak positive things. Decide that when something good happens, you will be happy about it happening and not sad about all the times it did not happen. Decide that building up with your words is better than tearing down. 

Two important Bible directions on how we speak:

In Proverbs 12:18, we are told "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." I have seen the rash words of negativity cut like a sword thrust through the pleasure of a child or of a husband. Rash words are never wise words. Think about what you are going to say, and speak as a healer not a cutter.

In Proverbs 16:24, we are told "Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." Gracious words are not words of negativism but of building up, of joy, of assistance and help to others. 

Do one thing today. Make your language a source of grace and healing. Put aside your sword thrusts, your rash words, and your negativism. Love your husband in your words.

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