Okay, so you have decided to romance your husband. Now what? First, you need to do something very important. Check your own "wish list" at the door. He is not you.

There are multiple lists of things on the internet that are supposed to be "romancing your wife" and they are a good warning for wives of what to avoid. For example, consider this list given to men and think about how it will work for you:

   1. Take walks with your wife.

Okay, you may think that having your husband ask you to take a walk is romantic. And it may actually work for your husband. But, to be honest, walking with a wife is not romantic to a husband. Being invited to take a walk is often really just a way to get him to stop whatever he is doing, which may be worthwhile. Also, how fast do you walk? A lot of husbands have a hard time with their wife's slower pace of walking. Not a great husband romance tool, unless you are on the beach. Then, go for it. 

   2.  Tell your wife you want to romance her.

Do not try this one. Telling your husband you want to romance him is like singing a song about how much you would like to praise God. Why not just praise Him? Telling him you want to romance him makes it a competition to see if you do it well. Do not tell him. Just do it.

   3.  Take your wife out on a romantic date.

Okay, now we are getting somewhere. Taking him out is a good idea. But what if he makes all the money in the family? Hard to make a date to be about him when he pays for it. A much better plan is a date at home. No, seriously. Put the kids in bed nice and early and make a special meal for just you and him. Much more romantic for a husband than another bill at a restaurant.

   4.  Write your wife love notes. 

This is not a bad idea for husbands either, but be careful. Make sure his friends will not see it. Make it something real that you feel, not something from some store.

   5.  Hold hands with your wife in a restaurant. 

Not a bad move here, either. But if you want to really reach your husband, don't hold hands (a very static kind of thing). Rub his arm absent-mindedly. I saw this recently with a couple and thought how nice that looked. Sit next to him at a meal. Rest your hand on his leg. Be intimate. Hand-holding may be great for wives, men need a little more.

   6.  Share a dessert with your wife.

I do not get this at all. Sharing a dessert is nice, but I do not see it as romantic. It is just a good way to save some money, get a dessert, and cut down the calories. Not romantic.

   7.  Read your wife a love poem.

Don't even think about it. He does not want to hear love poetry. Ever.

   8.  Write your wife a love letter.

This is just like writing a love note, just longer (I guess). 

   9  Read a love letter to your wife.

Getting kind of repetitive here. Do not read a love letter to your husband. Let him read it. Seriously. When someone reads to you, you are required to respond in some manner that validates their reading. Let him read your love letters privately.

  10. Tell your wife what you love about her.

This should be a regular feature of your relationship. Tell him you love him. Compliment what deserves complimenting. Appreciate what he does for you. If you consider this to be a special thing called "romancing" that you only have to do for a special occasion, something is very sad somewhere.  

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