Sometimes, we find ourselves sitting at a mall (or some other place where people walk around and shop and eat). Next time you are there, try to notice the couples around you. 

You will see all types of couples, of all ages, walking and sitting and shopping and eating. What do they do? Have you ever noticed how differently couples interact in public? 

There are couples who appear to be just roommates. They walk with each other, but never touch. They do not talk very much. 

There are couples who talk just to argue. They can be loud and obnoxious and you don't really like sitting near them. 

There are couples who walk together and they often touch. They may hold hands or she may take his arm. He waits for her to go first on an escalator or she gets napkins for everyone. They talk, but not all the time. Sometimes, they just sit by each other, comfortable with each other. 

What is most amazing is that age has nothing to do with these categories. You see young couples who fight and old couples who seem so in love that it brings tears to your eyes. You see couples where one is in a wheelchair, but they still touch and talk and share the experience. You see loving couples with children and also cold couples with children.

What I would like you to think about is actually two things. First, ask yourself how couples who all started out "in love" can be so different once they are married? Why are some couples so affectionate while others appear so cold or even hostile to one another? I saw, at an airport once, a couple of probably 45 or so, both quite plain, but they clearly showed their love for each other just in how they related going down a long escalator. What is the secret of keeping such affection in a marriage? 

Second, how do you and your husband look to the people sitting in that mall and watching? Do they see warmth and caring and touching and sharing? Or do they see two people who are with each other, but only because they are married and "have to be together?" Do they see arguments or sharing? Do they see touching or coldness? 

A mall can be a very expensive place to shop, but also a very educational place to observe. What are people observing of you? If I saw you and your husband on my next trip to the mall, what would I think of your relationship? 

I will give you a clue, though. You do not generate warmth by asking him to act warm, but by being warm yourself. 

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