One of the games we play with ourselves is the "ought to have" game. We "ought to have" saved more money when we were younger. We "ought to have" bought a better car. We "ought to have" stayed at the old job.
And we "ought to have" married someone else.
Now, the saving money and better car and old job are one category of "ought to have." But marriage is different.
Every thought of "ought to have" is a useless thought. Every moment of thinking back to earlier decisions and wishing they had gone otherwise is a moment of foolishness.
But every moment of wishing we had married someone else (or not married at all) is not just foolishness, it is dangerous foolishness. We find ourselves thinking of someone from high school or college, or someone we just met, as being "the one" for us. We begin, even a little, to break down the wall of our commitment to the person we married.
Do not indulge such thoughts, they get you nowhere but harm. Think of this two ways. First, you are speculating without any knowledge at all. You do not know who that person has become (or, if it is a present person, who they really are). The news alone tells us that people are phonies in public. The man who seems so perfect may be anything but perfect.
Second, and much more importantly, that decision has been made. You are married. This is the person with whom your life will be made. God was not asleep on the day you married. God was not unaware of who you married. The children you have made were in God's plan because your marriage was in God's plan. This is your husband.
Your job is to love him. Every moment spent thinking of someone else is a moment taken from what matters in your life.
Love the husband you have, faults and all. After all, he loved you.
And we "ought to have" married someone else.
Now, the saving money and better car and old job are one category of "ought to have." But marriage is different.
Every thought of "ought to have" is a useless thought. Every moment of thinking back to earlier decisions and wishing they had gone otherwise is a moment of foolishness.
But every moment of wishing we had married someone else (or not married at all) is not just foolishness, it is dangerous foolishness. We find ourselves thinking of someone from high school or college, or someone we just met, as being "the one" for us. We begin, even a little, to break down the wall of our commitment to the person we married.
Do not indulge such thoughts, they get you nowhere but harm. Think of this two ways. First, you are speculating without any knowledge at all. You do not know who that person has become (or, if it is a present person, who they really are). The news alone tells us that people are phonies in public. The man who seems so perfect may be anything but perfect.
Second, and much more importantly, that decision has been made. You are married. This is the person with whom your life will be made. God was not asleep on the day you married. God was not unaware of who you married. The children you have made were in God's plan because your marriage was in God's plan. This is your husband.
Your job is to love him. Every moment spent thinking of someone else is a moment taken from what matters in your life.
Love the husband you have, faults and all. After all, he loved you.
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