As long as we are admitting things, let's admit this: Somedays, we are not happy being married.
When we were young and looking forward to marriage, we thought (perhaps) that every day would be magic. The reason we thought that was that, at that time, it kind of was always magic when we were with our loved one. We would go to work and then spend an evening together and then kiss goodnight and go to our homes. Each time we saw them, it was exciting. We thought, naturally, that everything would always be exciting with them.
Then, we got married.
At first, it was still magic all the time. Well, most of the time. We began to not be quite so magical. There is a lot of difference between being ready when he gets there and having him there while you are getting ready, for example. It is one thing to finish your hair while he waits downstairs and a very different thing to have him hovering around the bathroom.
But, still, it was magic a lot of the time. Then, the first baby was born. Suddenly, it wasn't so magic anymore. There was a time when waking up and knowing your husband was next to you was pleasant or even exciting, but the fifth night that the baby wakes up crying, you just want him to get up and deal with it and let you sleep. Not a lot of magic there.
It was fun spending money together when you were dating, but not as much fun planning your spending while married.
It was fun shopping together on occasion when you were dating. It is not as much fun shopping together all the time, especially if (as in most couples) he doesn't like shopping as much as you do (or for as long).
Sometimes, there is just not any magic left. Some mornings, you just want him to leave and then you sit and wonder how this can possibly last any longer. You think about how much better it might be without a husband always around. You love him and love the children, but they are both a lot of trouble.
You imagine that he feels the same way (he does, sometimes, of course). Magic usually dies on both sides of the marriage, not just on one side.
Living together as husband and wife is not like television (which shows us either a couple that still acts like children or a couple that is dysfunctional). It is not like movies (where everything is quickly resolved). It is a lot like life. The same things happen over and over and over again. The same people walk through the door, the same children make the same noises, and cooking meals seven days a week is a real drag.
You try to "recapture the magic," but this is foolishness. You are not 21 any longer. You know that life is not about magic anyway, it is about love and responsibilities and maturity.
What is the answer? The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes: "There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" Ecc. 2:24-25.
If you think that seems rather simple, look at Ecc. 3:13, 5:18, and 8:15, which says the same.
In other words, stop looking for "magic" or whatever feeling you thought you were going to have. Look at your life. God has provided for you all that is needed for your life. Eat and drink. Find enjoyment in your toil (your work, including housework and child watching and work for money). Count yourself blessed for all that you have.
And wait. The nice thing is that moments of depression, even of despair, are just moments. The reality is that God remains king of all things, including your life. Enjoy what He has given you.
When we were young and looking forward to marriage, we thought (perhaps) that every day would be magic. The reason we thought that was that, at that time, it kind of was always magic when we were with our loved one. We would go to work and then spend an evening together and then kiss goodnight and go to our homes. Each time we saw them, it was exciting. We thought, naturally, that everything would always be exciting with them.
Then, we got married.
At first, it was still magic all the time. Well, most of the time. We began to not be quite so magical. There is a lot of difference between being ready when he gets there and having him there while you are getting ready, for example. It is one thing to finish your hair while he waits downstairs and a very different thing to have him hovering around the bathroom.
But, still, it was magic a lot of the time. Then, the first baby was born. Suddenly, it wasn't so magic anymore. There was a time when waking up and knowing your husband was next to you was pleasant or even exciting, but the fifth night that the baby wakes up crying, you just want him to get up and deal with it and let you sleep. Not a lot of magic there.
It was fun spending money together when you were dating, but not as much fun planning your spending while married.
It was fun shopping together on occasion when you were dating. It is not as much fun shopping together all the time, especially if (as in most couples) he doesn't like shopping as much as you do (or for as long).
Sometimes, there is just not any magic left. Some mornings, you just want him to leave and then you sit and wonder how this can possibly last any longer. You think about how much better it might be without a husband always around. You love him and love the children, but they are both a lot of trouble.
You imagine that he feels the same way (he does, sometimes, of course). Magic usually dies on both sides of the marriage, not just on one side.
Living together as husband and wife is not like television (which shows us either a couple that still acts like children or a couple that is dysfunctional). It is not like movies (where everything is quickly resolved). It is a lot like life. The same things happen over and over and over again. The same people walk through the door, the same children make the same noises, and cooking meals seven days a week is a real drag.
You try to "recapture the magic," but this is foolishness. You are not 21 any longer. You know that life is not about magic anyway, it is about love and responsibilities and maturity.
What is the answer? The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes: "There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" Ecc. 2:24-25.
If you think that seems rather simple, look at Ecc. 3:13, 5:18, and 8:15, which says the same.
In other words, stop looking for "magic" or whatever feeling you thought you were going to have. Look at your life. God has provided for you all that is needed for your life. Eat and drink. Find enjoyment in your toil (your work, including housework and child watching and work for money). Count yourself blessed for all that you have.
And wait. The nice thing is that moments of depression, even of despair, are just moments. The reality is that God remains king of all things, including your life. Enjoy what He has given you.
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