Among the things many wives seem not to know is about the importance of a husband and father having some time away from his wife and children. This, again, seems to be a fairly modern problem. Our grandmothers and those of a prior generation seemed to understand that a man needs some time away from his family duties, but my generation and those younger than me seem to miss this entirely.
It is not uncommon to see a young couple in which the wife engages in all kinds of activities outside the home (church things, social things, political things), but in which the husband is not expected to have any such activities at all. When wives need to attend seminars or conferences, they assume the husband should keep the children. When husbands want to attend anything, the wives have a fit about "being left at home with the children." Or, worse yet, the wife acts as if the husband ought to take his wife and children with him everywhere he goes.
The illogic and unfairness of this is so obvious that it is hard to really grasp, until you think about the lies that wives have been told. Chief among those lies is the idea that a man who "goes to work" is somehow taking that time away from his family. Wives were told (starting in the 1950's and 60's feminist movement) that "work" was actually "fun" and were told to be jealous of the fact that their husband was able to "get away" every day.
The result is that wives who stay home have the rather odd idea that time spent "at work" is actually kind of a vacation from family duties. They resent their husband going to work and are jealous of him going to work. They think that since he takes so much time "for himself" by going to work, the rest of his time should be with the family.
No one can believe this who has any knowledge of what it means to work. Going to work does not mean taking a vacation. Believe me, taking care of some young children (especially your own children) is nowhere near the exhausting experience of waiting on customers all day in a retail setting, or dealing with patients all day in a medical setting, or handling multi-million dollar disputes all day in a legal setting. Taking care of small people who obey you is nothing like having to obey other people all day, being told where to go and what to do.
Do you ever think about the realities of work? If your husband has a job, he must got to work everyday at a time chosen by his boss. He must wear what his boss wants him to wear. He has to park where his boss tells him to park. He has to do what he is told to do. He works with people chosen by his boss, who may be jerks and may hate his guts. He has to get along, to go along, and to be quiet when it is his turn to be quiet.
He is not watching television and munching bonbons all day, any more than you are are. He is working. He is not indulging his private wishes or enjoying recreation, he is working.
Yes, the wife who stays home needs to have some "time away from the children," but your husband needs the same thing, and time spent at work does not count as time to relax.
Wives need to understand that their husbands' time at work is just like their time at home, except that the husband is not in control of his time, is not in control of where he is, is not in control of what he does, cannot schedule things as he wishes, and is not the boss. You may spend your whole day with three children, but you are the boss (or you should be). They can take naps (customers do not take naps). They can play quietly (bosses don't play quietly).
Your husband needs as much time away from home and family as you do. When he goes to play golf or tennis, or goes hunting or fishing, he is trying to do exactly what you do when you get out of the house, he is trying to keep his balance in a world in which he is not in control.
It has become popular to refer to moms as "workers at home." Great. Your husband is a "worker at work." Just as you need a break from your duties, he needs a break from his duties. He does not need to just come home from one job in order to be given another one.
Ultimately, it all comes back to loving him, doesn't it? The wife who resents her husband taking "time from the family" is not loving him, but herself. She is not concerned about his wellbeing, but about her comfort and her children.
But loving him means loving him. It means making his life better. It means letting him have freedom, just as you need freedom, so that he can continue to be the man you married.
It is not uncommon to see a young couple in which the wife engages in all kinds of activities outside the home (church things, social things, political things), but in which the husband is not expected to have any such activities at all. When wives need to attend seminars or conferences, they assume the husband should keep the children. When husbands want to attend anything, the wives have a fit about "being left at home with the children." Or, worse yet, the wife acts as if the husband ought to take his wife and children with him everywhere he goes.
The illogic and unfairness of this is so obvious that it is hard to really grasp, until you think about the lies that wives have been told. Chief among those lies is the idea that a man who "goes to work" is somehow taking that time away from his family. Wives were told (starting in the 1950's and 60's feminist movement) that "work" was actually "fun" and were told to be jealous of the fact that their husband was able to "get away" every day.
The result is that wives who stay home have the rather odd idea that time spent "at work" is actually kind of a vacation from family duties. They resent their husband going to work and are jealous of him going to work. They think that since he takes so much time "for himself" by going to work, the rest of his time should be with the family.
No one can believe this who has any knowledge of what it means to work. Going to work does not mean taking a vacation. Believe me, taking care of some young children (especially your own children) is nowhere near the exhausting experience of waiting on customers all day in a retail setting, or dealing with patients all day in a medical setting, or handling multi-million dollar disputes all day in a legal setting. Taking care of small people who obey you is nothing like having to obey other people all day, being told where to go and what to do.
Do you ever think about the realities of work? If your husband has a job, he must got to work everyday at a time chosen by his boss. He must wear what his boss wants him to wear. He has to park where his boss tells him to park. He has to do what he is told to do. He works with people chosen by his boss, who may be jerks and may hate his guts. He has to get along, to go along, and to be quiet when it is his turn to be quiet.
He is not watching television and munching bonbons all day, any more than you are are. He is working. He is not indulging his private wishes or enjoying recreation, he is working.
Yes, the wife who stays home needs to have some "time away from the children," but your husband needs the same thing, and time spent at work does not count as time to relax.
Wives need to understand that their husbands' time at work is just like their time at home, except that the husband is not in control of his time, is not in control of where he is, is not in control of what he does, cannot schedule things as he wishes, and is not the boss. You may spend your whole day with three children, but you are the boss (or you should be). They can take naps (customers do not take naps). They can play quietly (bosses don't play quietly).
Your husband needs as much time away from home and family as you do. When he goes to play golf or tennis, or goes hunting or fishing, he is trying to do exactly what you do when you get out of the house, he is trying to keep his balance in a world in which he is not in control.
It has become popular to refer to moms as "workers at home." Great. Your husband is a "worker at work." Just as you need a break from your duties, he needs a break from his duties. He does not need to just come home from one job in order to be given another one.
Ultimately, it all comes back to loving him, doesn't it? The wife who resents her husband taking "time from the family" is not loving him, but herself. She is not concerned about his wellbeing, but about her comfort and her children.
But loving him means loving him. It means making his life better. It means letting him have freedom, just as you need freedom, so that he can continue to be the man you married.
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