This is our week of Doing Him Good, but I have something else in mind for this morning. We are three weeks into this whole process, we have hit the first really demanding part of the example of the excellent wife, so it is time to ask the magic question - What about him?

There are, of course, several ways to answer this question. We have spent two weeks talking about trust (that is, you being worthy of trust) and doing him good (that is, you doing him good). In our class, we talked about "how to talk" and the emphasis was on you adjusting to how he hears rather than about him adjusting to how you speak. At some point, almost everyone wants to say "but what about him?" "When does he have to change?" "Why not say he has to adjust?"

There are several ways to answer these questions, which are real and important questions.

First, of course, as we noted in our class, the is Not A Men's Class. For women to sit together and talk about how their husbands need to change might feel really good, and might strengthen their sense of self-identification, but it will accomplish nothing of value. Their husbands aren't there and won't hear it. A class for wives which focuses on changes husbands need to make is not reasonable. If we were In A Men's Class, then we would talk about changing men, but there is no real point in our class.

Secondly, even if they ought to change, there is no gain in saying what someone else "ought to do." Some of your husbands already know these things and some don't know them. Some are learning and some, perhaps, will never learn. We don't know. But you must live your life in the reality of who you married. Your duty is to "love your husband," not to "love the husband you wish you had." As soon as any class begins to focus on what other people ought to do, the class has lost all usefulness for its members. God's call on a wife is to love the husband she has.

Finally, at least for today, we have at least one example of the "what about him" argument in scripture. Remember Peter's question in John 21. Jesus has told him what will happen to him and Peter's answer to this news is to ask precisely that question regarding John. 

          When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If it is my will
           that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!"

As hard as it may be to hear sometimes, Christ's answer is the only answer to the question "what about him?" We all hope that others will get better at their jobs, that they will change in response to our changes, that "if I do this, then he will do that." These hopes are false hopes. It may happen that God will change your husband in ways that you like and that benefit you, but He may not. The call to you is still the same: "You follow me." 

To love a husband only if he changes is not the command of God. The women to whom Paul wrote (and to whom Proverbs was known) were married to men they did not know, without their consent, without any history of love or relationship of caring. They had not "prayed together about marriage" or been to marriage counseling. The command is the same. 

Love your husband. 

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