The final point I would make in this question of whether to look to a husband as a "best friend" is about you personally. Already, we have looked at two issues -- what it says about our view of husbands and how it is confusing to men. Now, let's look at it from your perspective.

One of the reasons we will say "my husband is my best friend" is because we have lost our understanding of how much it means to be a husband. We think that saying he is a "best friend" adds something to his being our husband, something precious and valuable to us. Every woman who uses the phrase does so as a compliment and should not feel guilty for having done so. 

But the idea of the "husband as a best friend" contains its own danger. What happens when he does not act like a best friend but, well, acts like a husband? What happens when you tell him about some problem and he does not resolve it in the way you would wish? What happens if you are not his "best friend"? Finally, of course, what happens if a new "best friend" comes along? We have seen many divorces arise from a husband or wife finding a new "best friend" who is their "heart's companion," or whatever phrases are popular at the time. 

You see, friends are not, in fact, "forever," no matter how many BFF shows we watch. The actions of friends are always free actions and may change. You may have a great friend with whom you spend a lot of time, but then their children age and activities change and somehow, you don't see them anymore. A friend may be transferred to a different state or take a new job that changes your relationship. A friend may grow suddenly cold and distant or simply fade out of your life. For most people, the friends they have today are not the same people they had as friends 20 years ago. 

What about your husband? What happens when he is no longer able to "be your friend" because he is hurt, or he is ill, or his job takes him away somewhere else for months at a time? What happens when one of you grows in a way that is different and, for awhile, you find everything the other one does to be annoying or shallow? What if one of you finds a hobby the other one does not like?

The proper attitude toward a husband is not "he's not just a husband, he's my best friend," but  "he's not just a friend, he's my husband." He is the man whom I chose out of all the men in the world to marry. He works so that we can have what we need. He comes home every night to me. Our time together is more precious than time with friends, our relationship is deeper than any other relationship I have in the world. He belongs to me. We are one in Christ.

Do you argue? Sure, sometimes, you will argue. Sometimes, you will be so angry with him that, if he were a friend, you would "cut him off" from friendship. But he is your husband and you are not allowed to cut him off in any sense. When you fight, you must also reconcile. You must not let the sun go down on your wrath. You are married.

One of the most telling statements we make in our marriages is to say, when angry, "well, I will just go home," meaning to return to our parents. As long as "home" means the place where your mother lives, you are not really married in your heart at all. You have kept something separate that you have never committed. You leave your friends when they make you mad. But home is where your husband is. 

When we lived in Washington State, people would ask me if I were "going home" for the holidays (meaning back to Georgia). I knew what they meant, but would smile and say "no, I'm already home," because home is where my wife lives. I wanted them to understand that I was married and that all the home I needed was included in that marriage. 

We were not always "friends," but we were always husband and wife. 

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