Too often, I write things about being an old married guy. In part, this is because that is where I am now in my own life but, also, I know that there are lots in the same situation. I suspect that some younger women feel that their situation is very different. It is different, in fact, and very challenging.
Older people often feel buried by all the concerns of all the children, but it is not unusual to be young and buried, even by just one child. There are so many things we are told to worry about with young children these days. We are told to keep them out of weather and out of groups and out of church, lest they get some illness. We have become almost buried in our own worries.
Some young mothers simply disappear. They do not come to church because they think their child will catch a cold in the nursery. They do not come to dinners because they are afraid their child will catch something at the dinner. They are worried about flu, about colds, about pneumonia, about some unknown disease they are sure their child could catch.
Put simply, they give up their lives because of fear.
We older people did not do this. We took our children to church as soon as they were born because, well, we wanted to go to church. We saw church nurseries as not only letting us attend church but, to be honest, as giving us a break from our child. We enjoyed being with other people. We enjoyed teaching classes and attending classes. We looked for chances to stay connected with our real lives.
Many modern young wives are the same, but far too many simply disappear. They will not have visitors in their home because they are afraid of disease (and ashamed of how messy their homes appear). They will not go to other homes because they are afraid of disease.
This is all a shame and very dangerous to your marriage. First, it is ridiculous to live in such fear. Every child catches cold, which is fine. Every child will eventually get the flu, which is also just fine. Being sick is part of being human and, if they don't get sick young, they will not develop the things they need to deal with being sick. Trying to keep your child from getting sick is like trying to keep your child from learning to walk.
Second, it is a disaster for your marriage. A disaster. Your husband married you, not a nanny. He loved your company. He loved going to dinner with you. He loved talking to you. He loved sharing his life with you. Now, what does he have?
His wife has become a home-bound, fearful woman. Your interests become narrowed to your home and your child, so that your conversation is less interesting. You worry about everything. (You would not believe how many men live without hearing a positive word from their wife from one day to the next.) You are always saying "no," to everything. Your natural fear is greatly increased by foolish fears of others, spread now not just by "old wives' tales" but by the internet.
Your husband ceases to be the center of your life in any way. Home is no longer a place of joy or peace, for him or for you.
Do not destroy your marriage because of your fear. Do not be young and buried. Do not lose that relationship with your husband that means so much.
You were not called to be a nanny, but a wife and mother. Don't let fear stop you from being a wife.
Older people often feel buried by all the concerns of all the children, but it is not unusual to be young and buried, even by just one child. There are so many things we are told to worry about with young children these days. We are told to keep them out of weather and out of groups and out of church, lest they get some illness. We have become almost buried in our own worries.
Some young mothers simply disappear. They do not come to church because they think their child will catch a cold in the nursery. They do not come to dinners because they are afraid their child will catch something at the dinner. They are worried about flu, about colds, about pneumonia, about some unknown disease they are sure their child could catch.
Put simply, they give up their lives because of fear.
We older people did not do this. We took our children to church as soon as they were born because, well, we wanted to go to church. We saw church nurseries as not only letting us attend church but, to be honest, as giving us a break from our child. We enjoyed being with other people. We enjoyed teaching classes and attending classes. We looked for chances to stay connected with our real lives.
Many modern young wives are the same, but far too many simply disappear. They will not have visitors in their home because they are afraid of disease (and ashamed of how messy their homes appear). They will not go to other homes because they are afraid of disease.
This is all a shame and very dangerous to your marriage. First, it is ridiculous to live in such fear. Every child catches cold, which is fine. Every child will eventually get the flu, which is also just fine. Being sick is part of being human and, if they don't get sick young, they will not develop the things they need to deal with being sick. Trying to keep your child from getting sick is like trying to keep your child from learning to walk.
Second, it is a disaster for your marriage. A disaster. Your husband married you, not a nanny. He loved your company. He loved going to dinner with you. He loved talking to you. He loved sharing his life with you. Now, what does he have?
His wife has become a home-bound, fearful woman. Your interests become narrowed to your home and your child, so that your conversation is less interesting. You worry about everything. (You would not believe how many men live without hearing a positive word from their wife from one day to the next.) You are always saying "no," to everything. Your natural fear is greatly increased by foolish fears of others, spread now not just by "old wives' tales" but by the internet.
Your husband ceases to be the center of your life in any way. Home is no longer a place of joy or peace, for him or for you.
Do not destroy your marriage because of your fear. Do not be young and buried. Do not lose that relationship with your husband that means so much.
You were not called to be a nanny, but a wife and mother. Don't let fear stop you from being a wife.
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